Have you ever felt that one part of you wants one thing and another part wants exactly the opposite? That there's an inner voice criticising you mercilessly while another tries to protect you from pain at all costs?
That's not a malfunction. According to the IFS (Internal Family Systems) model, it's exactly how our psyche works.
The central idea of IFS
IFS was developed by Richard Schwartz in the 1990s and proposes something that, once you understand it, deeply changes how you relate to yourself: we all have an internal system of "parts" — subpersonalities with their own emotions, beliefs and functions.
It's not a poetic metaphor. It's a model with growing empirical evidence that describes how we organise ourselves internally, especially when we've lived through difficult experiences.
The three types of parts
Managers
These are the parts that try to stay in control. They plan, anticipate, criticise, perfect. Their function is to prevent you from being hurt again. The problem is they often do it in ways that limit you: extreme self-demand, need for control, difficulty being vulnerable.
Firefighters
When emotional pain threatens to overwhelm you, these parts spring into emergency action. They can show up as escape impulses: compulsive eating, non-stop working, substance use, emotional disconnection, risky behaviour. They're not "bad habits" — they're desperate attempts to protect you from pain.
Exiles
These are the parts that carry the original pain. The memories, the emotions, the wounds that the protective parts (managers and firefighters) work so hard to keep at bay. They're often young parts — inner children still waiting to be seen and cared for.
In IFS, no part is the enemy. They're all trying to help you — sometimes with methods that no longer work.
The Self: who you are when the parts relax
One of IFS's most powerful concepts is the Self — the essence of who you are beneath all the protective parts. The Self is characterised by qualities like curiosity, calm, compassion, clarity, connection and courage.
The goal of IFS work isn't to eliminate parts, but to help them trust the Self enough to release their extreme roles. When that happens, the protective parts relax and the exiles can be attended to and unburdened.
What is an IFS session like?
The process begins by identifying a part that's active — perhaps a critical voice, an anxiety, an impulse. Instead of trying to change or silence it, I invite you to approach it with curiosity: What is it trying to protect? How long has it been doing this? What does it fear would happen if it stopped?
It's work that's deeply respectful of your pace. Nobody forces you to go where you're not ready to go. Protective parts are honoured as allies, not obstacles.
IFS within an integrative approach
In my work, IFS combines with EMDR (to process the memories the exiles carry), Gestalt (for experiential work with the parts) and somatic work (to reconnect with what the parts express in the body). This combination makes it possible to address what you need from the most suitable angle at each moment.
Who is it for?
IFS is especially useful if you identify with patterns of self-demand, self-criticism, difficulty connecting emotionally, or if you feel that "something inside you" sabotages you. It's also a very powerful approach for working with complex trauma, because it addresses the protective layers with compassion instead of forcing access to painful material.
Want to explore IFS in your own process? I explain how I work with this model in IFS therapy in Madrid & online.